The Land of the Free

Newsflash. More Americans are in prison than serve in the military (double). Less than 0.5% of the U.S. population serves in the Armed Forces (yes that includes the Coast Guard and the Air Force). Compare that to the over 1% of the American population serving a prison sentence. This can be viewed one of two ways: either (1) More Americans are criminals than ever before anywhere in the world, or (2) Americans criminalize more than ever before anywhere in the world. I will leave that up to you. On the subject of crime, how much are Kyle Payne's favorite actors making these days? Obviously not enough when they have to resort to crime and join that 1%. Maybe the feminist craze is hurting the south philly porn industry. Either way, those two won't be degrading women anytime soon, dirty criminals. So would feminists prefer these two men out of work and unable to apply whatever skill or ability is required to produce adult films? I think that is a question for our Mormon friends to debate.

VS.

Braaaaains!

Bill O'Reilly is a Samurai

Samurai were required not only to be great warriors, but to be cultured as well. Bill O'Reilly is a Culture Warrior. Coincidence?

Sleight-of-Hand

Perhaps you've seen the articles. There's mountains of them.

And it's all a lie.

The real story here is the connection between John McCain and donors such as George Soros and Teresa Heinz Kerry. Talk about shady business. Why aren't George Soros and Teresa Heinz Kerry on the campaign trail if they love McCain so much?

Oh, yeah. Because politicians are sneaky bastards.

So at a time when this little tidbit finally comes to the public's attention after seven (7) years, it only seems appropriate to cover up the news with something a little bit more "Fox Newsy." An affair is the perfect thing! It's just the sexy that Fox News really needed. And it must be said: I really don't give a flying rat's ass about this alleged affair (which I don't believe happened).

From the Times Article:

Asked if he ever had a romantic relationship with the woman, Vicki Iseman, 40, Mr. McCain, 71, responded, "No." He described his relationship with Ms. Iseman as "friends" and said he had last seen her "several months ago" at an event.

McCain’s wife, Cindy, stood at his side throughout the news conference. She told reporters that she was also disappointed with The Times. "And more importantly, my children and I not only trust my husband, but know that he would never do anything to not only disappoint our family, but disappoint the people of America," Mrs. McCain said. "He’s a man of great character."

Good for McCain and his wife, by the way. But here's the real story, about the connection between George Soros, Teresa Heinz Kerry, and John McCain.

Teresa Heinz Kerry has donated more than 4 million bones to the Arizona senator and his campaign manager.

And George Soros has been funding the McCain Train since 2001.

Question:
Why would McCain be associated with these people?

Question:
Why would he risk his candidacy by accepting bribes from these people?

Answer:
Because he's been in bed with them the whole time. We are about to become victims to a vast conspiracy.

The government is lying to us. They aren't telling us about what is really going on. They have pulled the wool over our eyes. Appropriate, because it is our wool. We're the sheep. And we've allowed this to happen to us.

Great Moments In National Security

Courtesy of www.politico.com

Classifieds: Future Wife Wanted

Right now I am listening to the "True Love" by Angels and Airwaves and it got me thinking about all of the attributes that are required to make a relationship last with me. Here goes nothing:

1. Must be an avid sports fan

I love sports. You must love them too. You can't like just any sports either. You must like real sports. Figure skating won't cut it for me, honey. The basic rule of sports is if you have to wait for a few minutes after you complete your event to find out if you won, it's not a sport. It's an athletic event.

2. Must like the right teams

I am not saying that you have to root for the same teams that I do, but you can't root for ones I can't bear. For example, I am a fan of the Kansas Jayhawks. If you are a Missouri fan, I will understand that you are just a misguided soul, but still be able to stand you. However, if you tell me that you are a fan of Syracuse I will have a problem. It's not that I hate Syracuse, I'd just rather watch a team without fearing that my retinas will burn out.


3. Must be a cheap date

Pretty self-explanitory. I don't have a lot of cash and the money I do have should go to me.

4. Must not expect me to put the toilet seat down

I pee more often than you. Trust me. It's more efficient to leave it up.

5. Must not have high expectations for me

I really am a sad excuse for a man. If you keep that in mind I might just surprise you sometime. If not, you will be greatly dissapointed.

6. Must be smart, but not too smart

Must be intelligent enough to have quality discussions, but not bright enough to win them. Until we're married. Then you will win every argument my default.

7. Must have Packers season tickets

Duh



If you meet all of those requirements, please let me know in the comments below. If not, I'll keep holding out.

Irony

What do you do with degrees in Philosophy & Religion, Social Consciousness, and Women's Studies? Apparently, you go to jail. I know he must be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, and trial by jury of peers, blah, blah, blah. He always seemed a tool to me, but I never thought he would be a felonious tool. It does seem a little ironic that someone who was a lead advocate for sexually assaulted women could be charged with assault. Oh yeah, and tried using his own photographic evidence. BRILLIANT!

As an advocate and a resident adviser, he was supposed to be an individual of strong moral character to whom others could look up. How disappointing. I can only imagine how annoyed his ethics professor must be.

For good measure, let's add activists/advocates on to my previous declaration about politicians, carbon monoxide, and iocane powder.

Save the World, Take Up Smoking!

For a long time I believed the hype. If I had anything to do with smoking cigarettes, there would be very serious repercussions. There are all types of problems that could occur: death, cancer, or even asthma (three words: suck it up). The government has even gone so far as to stereotype smokers as people so addicted to cigarettes that they need to interrupt the birthdays of children living in single-parent households.

Even those liberals in Hollywood portray cigarettes as a means to kill innocent people.

Beware of politicians lurking

Be advised, evil may be lurking in your backyard, even if you are the President. There, in the bushes he stands, waiting for his prey to falter. Then, like a ninja he will pounce and the Presidency will be his for the taking!

Funny, if you turned the camera the other way, you would see a similar picture with a different face. Waiting for the perfect moment to strike...Freedom is under siege. We must fight those who encourage attacks on liberty. Sure he may seem harmless, what with his outstretched arms and happy face? But do not be fooled. He tempts you to accept his ideas and his embrace lends a sense of security so that others may strike!

Motives of politicians are like carbon monoxide or iocane powder: Tasteless, odorless, and unless you built up an immunity over the last few years, one dose can kill.

Karl Rove from Frodo's Point of View

When I began thinking further about Karl Rove, I started to wonder if he was truly an evil person. I decided not. Here’s why, explained in a quote from the novel Fellowship of the Ring:

Frodo (to Aragorn): “You have frightened me several times tonight, but never in the way that servants of the Enemy would, or so I imagine. I think one of his spies would — well, seem fairer and feel fouler, if you understand.”

Frodo’s point is that if a person were truly his enemy, they might conceal the fact a little bit better. If a person appears evil, they may actually not be.

Therefore, Karl Rove cannot be truly evil, simply because many people think he is evil.

But wait!

Karl Rove is too careful and cautious to be caught up in this kind of thing. Doubtless he has studied the works of Tolkien, in preparation for battle against me! This can only mean that he is hiding in the open…That he is truly evil!

I knew it all along!

I warn you, my fellow citizens:

1. Stop drinking the water!
1. You don’t know where it’s been!
2. Don’t get the flu shot!
1. Have you ever died from the flu? Chances are “the flu” is a scare tactic!
3. Buy an RFID blocker!
1. I told you about the freaking tracking devices! Don’t make it easy for them!
4. Pray to your gods!
1. Self-explanatory!

Return of Good Television

Do you ever sit around at home and wonder what ever happened to great television shows? My personal belief is that the individuals who created the great television shows of the 80's were frozen in a cryogenic chamber until just recently. Now they have thawed and are working for NBC. Two reasons why: American Gladiators and a talking car that is constructed of awesome held together by brilliance. Thank you retro NBC.

On a side note, China may be getting more aggressive and was busted with two hands in the defense department... Sounds like insecurity, but keep listening to the Globalists: "China is not a threat..."

I Told You So

I told you they were watching...

From the Washington Post:

"Since August 2006, [D.C.] has installed 73 cameras across the city, at a cost of about $4 million. But until recently, officers were using them mainly as an investigative tool - checking the recordings after crimes were committed in hopes of turning up leads and evidence.

Police Chief Cathy L. Lanier said she thought the department wasn't making the most of the technology. "I thought, 'Why the heck aren't we watching them?' " Lanier said.

And so, for about 40 hours a week, a small team of officers in the department's Joint Operations Command Center watches the live feeds from 10 to 15 of the cameras."

The full article can be found here.

"Why the heck aren't we watching them?" Oh, yeah. Because it's an invasion of my damn privacy. That's why.

I am not a D.C. resident, but I feel that it is only a matter of time before the government has its eyes everywhere, even inside us. Will we get to the point where the government monitors our every move, making sure that any subversive actions are dealt with? I happen to enjoy a little subversive action here and there. But this is bound to happen. Even recent films reinforce the idea that cops have to stop the bad guys, even at the cost of a few civil liberties.

After participating in a tortuous Die Hard Marathon (actually I like most of the entries, but the second gave me a mild to moderate stroke. I was along for the ride until, after falling off a plane leaking fuel, McClane tosses a lighter, simultaneously blowing up the enemy aircraft and lighting a runway for any number of other planes. It is quite ridiculous.) I reflected on the actions of John McClane. I realized that the people he fights in his films generally end up dead. I ask, should these men not receive a fair trial? A hearing at Guantanamo Bay? As terrorists, I am sure their civil liberties would be abused as much as possible, but there are limits.Essentially, these films promote a shoot first and ask questions later mentality. With the media behind the government, it is only a matter of time before we have a full blown police state on our hands.

And I'll be the guy wearing a tin foil hat, sitting in his bomb shelter and munching on some canned goods, saying "I told you so..."

Romney Drops Out, But Hope Lives On

It was announced earlier today that GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney officially dropped out of the race. As an American, I am absolutely crushed. I mean how could people not get behind a candidate that ran the 2002 Winter Olympics? HE FREAKING RAN THE OLYMPICS! How difficult is the presidency compared to that? For those like me still trying to cope with the loss, Dennis Madalone is able to provide the words of encouragement I need to continue my now diminished life.

McCain and Mr. Right

So there is this. The picture really says it all. It had to come out sometime so that he could say: "See Gov. Romney, I am a conservative!" Apparently he is neglectful in his Congressional duties as he decided to skip out on voting for the economic stimulus package.

Which reminds me, why stimulate the economy? Looking at the Fed and the Government, I ought to start buying up Euros and gold. Inflation is going to take off with all this "stimulation."

In other news, Sen. Clinton decided that her campaign needed a boost...a $5 million boost, and may loan more to the campaign if fund raising doesn't pick up. Sounds like she has too much money. I bet if she were elected, she would ensure a healthy redistribution of her excess funds.

Karl Rove's Pit

You better be careful talking about Karl Rove...

Didn't you get the flu shot? I told you about the tracking devices! He knows where you are now!

He will throw you in his pit. You might have seen it in the movie Saw II.

In case you haven't yet seen Karl Rove's pit: it is a pit filled with thousands of filthy used hypodermic needles. Although this is not revealed in the film, each needle contains, suspended in a fluoride solution, a device which records your thoughts and submits them to the government for approval.

Dissenting thoughts are dealt with, one might presume, in whichever method seems most fashionable at the time.

Fox News Comes Out of the Closet

Covering the primary and caucus results, Rupert Murdoch's Fox News Channel revealed a surprise: Karl Rove. "The architect" was featured as a Fox News contributor who served as an analyst for the impacts of various states on the electable status of candidates or something like that. Fox News now has a practicing philatelist on staff (Stamp Collector). Generally speaking, the Bush spin machine is bad news for the No Spin zone and the idea that Fox News reports and we decide. While I am no fan of Liberal Media, I am not a fan of the news according the Karl Rove. At least someone will enjoy seeing more of Rove.

Additionally, Fox News tapped into the "younger" market by bringing on two bloggers, and using technology like touch screens with animation. Still not impressed. It is still better than watching ads for The Nation on MSNBC.

Time to watch the M.C. Rove rap dance. This is what he does when he goes home, has a non-alcoholic drink, rips the head off small animals...

Curse of the Boston Globe

I'm just gonna throw it out here so everybody knows right now. The New England Patriots will not win another Super Bowl for 86 years. There, I said it. You may be thinking, they may have lost the Super Bowl, but they are still stacked. You would be dead on that they are still stacked, but they will not win the Super Bowl again for a long, long time. Call it the curse of the Boston Globe.

For those that haven't heard by now, the Boston Globe posted a book for pre-order on amazon.com entitled, "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots." As soon as the book was listed, the Boston Globe sealed the fate upon those poor Patriots. They never had a shot at winning. This loss is going to crush their team for years to come. Dating back to 2002, past Super Bowl losers include St. Louis, Oakland, Carolina, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Chicago. Not exactly the cream of the crop in the NFL, are they? Just like those other teams, the Patriots will be unable to recover from the huge blow to their ego's.

Further, the Patriots first pick in the 2008 NFL Draft will be a complete bust. After the infamous Spygate incident, New England were stripped of their first round draft pick. But because of an earlier deal, the Pats were able to acquire the first round pick from the San Francisco 49ers. The 49ers had a dissapointing season, so now the Pats hold the 7th overall pick in the draft. That pick is tainted. Whomever the Patriots pick will be doomed from the start. Either through injury or poor performance, he will be off the Pats within three years and out of the league within six. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news to the New England area, but most of you will never witness your beloved Pats hoist the Lombardi trophy in your lifetime. Count on it.

Yet Another Important Use of PVC Pipe

After watching the following video, I cannot believe that I did not think of something so brilliant myself. Before you continue, please take a couple of minutes to watch this video before reading on.



Done?

Good.

Wasn't that one of the best scams ever? I always thought harvesting body parts was limited to Asian countries or people wanting to earn some spare cash by selling their kidney (who needs two anyway? What kind of selfish alcoholic are you?). But now I discover that the market for body parts is still alive and well in the good ol' U.S. of A. But I wonder why we stop at dead people. Giving away some bones could be a good way to make some cash. Really, how often do I use my left arm anyway? I could get a full ride through college if I could just figure out how to keep my paper from moving while I am writing with my other hand. It would have little effect on playing sports like soccer or bowling, and with a little practice I can still play baseball as well. What have I got to lose?

King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Want to see me sob uncontrollably? Just watch "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" with me.

What a beautiful documentary. Steve Wiebe (the guy on the right) is now my Second Favorite American. I didn't cry because I'm a wuss either. I cried because this film is so damned heart-wrenching. This documentary would make Rambo cry. It's the kind of film you feel obligated to tell your friends about after. Because you'll all be better people just from watching it.

As an aside, after you're done watching the film, you should try to actually play the classic Donkey Kong. It's a bitch.

Really.

Speaking of documentaries that make me cry, remember this guy? This is a picture from the 2005 documentary "Grizzly Man." Spoiler alert: He, along with his girlfriend, get mauled and eaten by giant bears. But you feel for the guy. He made a bad decision, but for all the right reasons.

I'm not going to get preachy here, but keep your damn self away from animals that can eat people.

Can He Do the Wave Too?

I Can't Watch the Super Bowl this Year

I love football. There are few things better than sitting Sunday afternoons on the couch and watching football for nine straight hours. It is the ultimate lazy thing to do. But this year, I can’t watch the Super Bowl. Yes, it’s true that I’m still very bitter that my Packers couldn’t even beat a team led by Eli “I can’t believe I’m related to Peyton” Manning at home. My reasoning goes deeper than that, however. I simply couldn’t care less about two east coast teams slugging it out.

Rooting for the Patriots is the equivalent of rooting for the government. Why would anyone want to unless they were a part of it? There are striking similarities between the Patriots and the government as well. Earlier this year the Patriots were caught filming the coaches on the other team. Now, just shortly before kickoff of the game there are suspicions that the Pats filmed at least one practice of the Rams right before their Super Bowl game six years ago. I can’t support any sort of Patriot spying.

Of course I can’t root for New York either. Just hearing New York reminds me of Hillary Clinton, and the last thing I want to do is picture her for four hours.

Go ahead and watch the Super Bowl, just don’t tell me what happened. I don’t care.

You learn something new every day

Links of the (fill in time amount)

Hello and welcome to the first of what could be a very short-lived blog entry. I just want some way of expressing what I need to get out. Recently I've found a few links based off some materials that I read that may only be interesting to me.

According to the National Journal, Barack Obama was the most liberal Senator in 2007. While that may not be too shocking, it is interesting to note that Obama and Hillary only differed on 10 different measures. For those looking towards Obama to lead the country towards widespread change, his voting record does not indicate it.

An interesting article on Facebook by the Guardian, a British paper. While I do not agree with all of the arguements that the author makes, there are some disturbing elements. The privacy concerns of Facebook are ones that cannot be overlooked.

Who says that everyone is at least somewhat nervous about global warming? These guys sure aren't!

For males confused about their sexuality, at least the dilemma of the man-hug has finally been solved.

What do you get when you combine a rotting whale carcass with a half-ton of dynamite? Armageddon.