Classifieds: Future Wife Wanted

Right now I am listening to the "True Love" by Angels and Airwaves and it got me thinking about all of the attributes that are required to make a relationship last with me. Here goes nothing:

1. Must be an avid sports fan

I love sports. You must love them too. You can't like just any sports either. You must like real sports. Figure skating won't cut it for me, honey. The basic rule of sports is if you have to wait for a few minutes after you complete your event to find out if you won, it's not a sport. It's an athletic event.

2. Must like the right teams

I am not saying that you have to root for the same teams that I do, but you can't root for ones I can't bear. For example, I am a fan of the Kansas Jayhawks. If you are a Missouri fan, I will understand that you are just a misguided soul, but still be able to stand you. However, if you tell me that you are a fan of Syracuse I will have a problem. It's not that I hate Syracuse, I'd just rather watch a team without fearing that my retinas will burn out.


3. Must be a cheap date

Pretty self-explanitory. I don't have a lot of cash and the money I do have should go to me.

4. Must not expect me to put the toilet seat down

I pee more often than you. Trust me. It's more efficient to leave it up.

5. Must not have high expectations for me

I really am a sad excuse for a man. If you keep that in mind I might just surprise you sometime. If not, you will be greatly dissapointed.

6. Must be smart, but not too smart

Must be intelligent enough to have quality discussions, but not bright enough to win them. Until we're married. Then you will win every argument my default.

7. Must have Packers season tickets

Duh



If you meet all of those requirements, please let me know in the comments below. If not, I'll keep holding out.